Gravity Falls: Rise of an Empire
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: A great conqueror of men has been given a second chance at life. And where best to start then a small town with a dark secret and a great book of everything? This is an example of my "Rise of An Empire" challenge...Which was inspired by Madhat886. MERRY CHRISTMAS!
1. Chapter 1

Gravity Falls: rise of an empire

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Alexander the great. The conqueror of Persia. Apprentice of the great philosopher Aristotle. Usurper of King Darius III. Ruler of Asia Minor...was on a bus with his two younger siblings; headed to a ridiculously named town in the middle of nowhere.

It had been 17 years since he'd been reborn from his new mothers womb...And still he knew not what to do with himself. True, he had a good life. A natural citizen of what many considered the greatest country in the world. The modern school system had helped him adjust to this strange new future. Heaven help him, he'd even come to love his two new siblings for all their quirks!

Still...Again, where did that leave him...Alexander Pines sighed. There didn't seem to be any real way around it...Get good grades...get old enough to get into politics...And hopefully gain the presidency before he died of old age.

This option still irked him...He just knew he was destined for greater things! For what other reason would he be reborn? He sighed again...Somewhere out there...his destiny awaited...He just had to find it!

It was at this point he got his first look at the town. It was the most dullest, out of the way, poor excuse for a town he'd ever seen! He slumped down in resignation. _Well, where ever my true purpose is...I'm not going to find it this summer..._

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

 **This "rise of an empire" challenge was Inspired by Madhat886. A favorite author of mine! I don't care for how he portrays my faith, but I still recommend him!**

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**

 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

Gravity Falls: Rise of an Empire Chapter 2

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

"He threw Stan out the Window last night!?" Exclaims Wendy in disbelief. Mabel sighs. Things had been going downhill since they arrived yesterday. No sooner had they entered the house than Stan had drenched them with a waterbaloon. Then he got Alex in a headlock and a noogie. 3 time Alex had asked him politely to stop. She and Dipper had also pleaded for him to stop.

But Stan kept at it...and ended up on the floor in pain for his troubles. The twins had hoped that would be the end of it...but last night Stan planned to retaliate while they slept.

Even more unfortunate was the fact that Alex had anticipated this. He put a dummy in his bed, while he slept underneath it. Stan's 'Prank' ended with the mattress snapping shut, trapping him inside...before it was shoved out the window.

He was going to pour several dozen bowling balls after him, but stopped when Mabel(having woken up from the ruckus) pleaded for him to let it go. But he warned that he wasn't going to deal with this crap all summer. If he did it again, he'd take drastic action.

Mabel knew he was serious. She still remembered when she was five. She pranked him. And he told her that if she did that again, he'd punch her. Naturally she didn't believe him and pranked him again...and he did punch her...

Afterwords he gave her an icepack, let her stay in bed for the rest of the day, and gave her her favorite treats. He also explained to her-

 _Your actions have consequences Mabel._

 _Better you learn that from someone who loves you._

 _Then some jerk who won't stop at one punch._

She understood...didn't make it hurt any less though. Hearing all this, Wendy and Soos could only stare in horrified disbelief.

"Dude...your brother sounds intense!" Dipper chuckled. "That's nothing! One time a girl put gum in Mabels hair, the next day she woke up and found her pets decapitated head in her bed! Another time a kid made fun of me for not getting any valentines and the next day he was found dangling by his shoelaces over a busy intersection crying for mercy!"

Both twins remembered how no matter how many bullies Alex frightened off, more seemed to pop out of thin air just to torment them.

Finally Alex had had enough and...Well, the less said about the infamous 'noodle incident' that made Piedmont practically a ghost town the better...

Both of the Shack's employees just paled...they grew even paler along with the twins when they saw what Stan was doing-

"Oh, no Grunkle Stan please! Let it go!" Pleaded Mabel. "Your poking the bear man! Poking the proverbial rabid grizzly bear!" Warned Dipper.

Stan shrugged as he put the bucket of water over the door. "Sorry kids, but sometimes you gotta prank your family, to stay in this crazy game called life."

Suddenly the door opens, and the bucket falls- Onto a dummy attached to a swivel chair?!

"Wait, what!?" Exclaimed Stan right before he's hit by a tazer! While dazed, he finds himself tied up and pinned to the floor.

Alex sighs as he sits on top of him. "You know, I really was willing to take orders from you, do my chores, and keep my head down...But now- now it's going to cost you."

He looked down on him. It's nothing personal you understand? I have to hold you to the same standards as everyone else(he sneaks a quick glance at Mabel); otherwise I'd just be setting a poor example for my siblings...So from this moment on...I will take over ownership of the Shack."

There was a long, shocked silence. "I'm sorry, what?" Asked Stan in disbelief.

"You'll be allowed to stay in charge of the gift shop, but ultimately you'll answer to me."

Stan laughed. "Kid this Shack is my pride and joy; it'll take nothing short of an army to pry it from my cold dead hands!"

 **ring**

Went the doorbell

Alex turned to see familiar faces enter the Shack. _Speak of the devil._ Thinks Alex with a smirk.

"Sorry were late boss, traffic was a nightmare." Said Alex's second-in-command Johnny Gat.

"Yo little dudes! How are you doing?" Asked Shaundi(blitzed out as usual). Despite knowing what this groups arrival meant; Dipper and Mabel didn't hesitate high-fiving the people who'd been their closest friends since they were little.

"Whoa, we interrupting something?" Asked Pierce. Alex shook his head. "Just a slight disagreement. It's been resolved. Uncle was just about to relinquish the deed of the Shack...Weren't you uncle?" Stated Alex without hesitation.

Stan took one look at the dozen gangmembers(with more coming!), who were all burly, armed with guns and bats, all of who clearly answered to his great-nephew...

"When your parents come back from their 'vacation' I will kill them!" Exclaims Stan...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	3. Chapter 3

Gravity Falls: Rise of an Empire Chapter 3

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

 **…** **...**

"So your brother; he's like...what...a mob boss?" Asked Wendy in disbelief. It had been a couple of days since the Rooks(the name of the gang) had made the Shack their H.Q. And looked to be planning to expand their influence here.

Dipper nodded. "Yep...Alex has...always been a natural leader. He started the Rooks during kindergarten...and they just sorta grew from there." Said Dipper with admiration.

Mabel also put in her two cents. "It's not just Jocks, but nerds he recruits as well! He even made peace between them! In exchange for the geeks tutoring(tutoring not doing the homework for them; Alex is very strict on that distinction) them, the Jocks protect the nerds and help them meet girls!"

Wendy and Soos can't help but whistle at that impressed. But Mabel wasn't done. "He also pays them extra- EXTRA! For keeping their grades up and undergoing a strict training regime!...Which we always thought was crazy...until his gang curb-stomped all the other (more poorly-educated and poorly-trained) gangs in Piedmont and the surrounding areas."

Wendy just shook her head. "Where are your parents in all this?" She asked in disbelief. Mabel shrugged. "They've pretty much faded into obscurity at this point...Alex has been more our parent then they've ever been!"

Dipper nodded. "This trip may have been their idea...but make no mistake, if Alex hadn't thought a 'change of scenery might be good for us'(And by that he seemed to have just meant expand his influence elsewhere)...well we wouldn't be having this conversation."

It's then that Dipper saw Alex approaching. "Hold that thought." He said as he excitedly ran toward his big brother and showed him the Journal he'd found.

For so long Alex had made a point to be a Devil's Advocate to Dipper. Giving Brutal(yet fair and constructive) criticism's to Dipper's 'theories'. Alex did this to prepare him for the harsh world. But Dipper had a good feeling about this!

Alex looked over the journal...It was interesting, he'd give it that...and his 'Savvy'(the strange intuition that's been with him since he was reincarnated, that has never lead him astray) was going crazy! Insisting that this journal was important...just like it's been insisting that this town was important!

To be honest, Alex really had fully intended to take the summer off with his siblings...but between his Savy and Dipper getting that 'BEWARB' bug bite. He immediately called...well, an ambulance for Dipper to get that checked on because...that was just disturbing. But **after** that he called down the rooks to help asses the situation.

Still, no use to scare the siblings over nothing. He then quickly tells Dipper that although the journal was interesting...for all they knew it was just the fantasy writings of a brilliant artisan...or madman...their was no hard proof to back up anything inside it.

Alex could practically see Dippers heart sank. So he then threw him a bone. Telling him that the journal and the secret compartment he found it in **was** interesting, and he'd assign him some rooks to assist in investigating it. This completely threw Dipper!

Alex had never done that before with any of his 'theories'! Before he could thank him-

"Hey, everyone! Look who just arrived! My new love!" Alex turned around- And saw the face of a teen that the police had connected to the disappearance of numerous little girls in the area!

 **ZAP!**

Before anyone could blink, Alex had tazered the teen!...and he like everyone else was stupefied! Not by what he did...but the teen...was no 'teen' at all!...but a bunch of weird little men!?...but not just any little men...the same little men that he'd just seen in Dippers journal!

Seeing everyone stare at him. He quickly tried to compose himself. Questions would come later...for now he had a guy who had wished to abduct his little sister...and for now...that was the thing to focus on...

"Dipper. Journal. Now." Said Alex flatly in a tone that would accept no argument. Dipper was quick to oblige. Alex read it. Ordered his men to take the 'gnomes' down to the basement...he grabbed some jumper cables, a drill, and a scalpel...and then he got to work...

...several hours later...

Alex emerged from the basement covered in gnome blood...and officially anointed as the new Gnome king.

 _A king...I am a king once more..._ For so long Alex had begun to doubt that his dream to rebuild his empire would ever become a reality...Despite the fact that the majority of the adults of this time seemed like useless idiots...it all just seemed too big...But that was yesterday...Today there are gnomes! Today there is monsters! Today there is magic! Today he was a king!

He swept up Dipper into a hug. "Never change you loveable, weird conspiracy theorist you!" He exclaims with a laugh.

He turns to the Rooks. "Onward my men! Today we conquer the gnome kingdom! Tomorrow the world!"

Swept up in his charisma, the rooks couldn't help but cheer and mobilize...Leaving a very disoriented Dipper, Mabel, Wendy, and Soos.

Mabel glared at Dipper. "Dang it Dipper, were never going to hear the end of this!" Dipper sighed. "I apologize to everyone, only now do I see the error of my ways." He admitted in a resigned way...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

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	4. Chapter 4

**Gravity Falls: Rise of an Empire Chapter 4**

 **MERRY CHRISTMAS! ANOTHER GIFT FROM ME TO ALL OF YOU!**

 **I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!**  
 **…...**

A Blackbird flew through the air and landed on a perch...it then climbed to Alex Pines outstretched hands he petted it as he took a moment to look down at the world...he closed his eyes and remembered...

...

 **Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah**

 _"I'm going to chop off your lying tongue!" Screamed Gideon as he held his amulet to levitate the scissors toward a helpless Dipper-_

 **They tell me you've touched the face of God,**  
 **at the sound of the rope cracking on your neck**  
 **They tell me you'd never give it up**  
 **like the song that was soul singing in your head**

BANG!

 _Gideon screamed as his amulet(and most of his fingers) got blown to bits._

 _Alex Pines stepped from the shadows and blew off the smoke on his handgun._

 _"Just chop off the tongue?...how unimaginative, allow me to teach you the 'proper' way to silence an enemy."_

 _Gideon promptly wet himself..._

 **So honey please, don't let go**  
 **or you'll fall into the dead of night**

 _Buddy Gleeful cursed himself and his son for the thousandth time. Why hadn't he read that contract that Legal Lee fellow had re-edited...and why had his son made an enemy of that Devil!?_

 **So honey please, don't let go**

 _Buddy relaxed in the rent-a-carriage...at least he'd be out of town soon...out of his reach. "Oh, look. An Blackbird." he says out loud..._

 **You better learn to fly,**

 _The last thing he saw before the carriage was knocked off the bridge...was that devils grin..._

 **'cause they're gonna point you up at the sky**

 _The rooks looted the Tent of Telepathy. "Hey boss! You gotta see this!" Shouts a rook having found a secret compartment in Buddy's study..._

 **The more that you want it**  
 **The more that you need it**

 _Alex observed the strange objects curiously...his mind brimming with new ideas..._

 **I know that you'll be by my side**  
 **In the heat of the moment**  
 **When the thunder and lightning comes**  
 **I know that you'll be by my side**

 _"My good sir...what have you seen?" Asked Blind Ivan._

 _The man tied to a chair chuckled. "My boss's next target." Said Gat as he broke from his restraints..._

 **Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah**

 _The Society didn't know what to make of it...one second their captive breaks free and snaps their leaders neck. The next a strange man jumps from the ceiling and slices off Tats head with his Wrist blades..._

 **That loving man ain't no rolling stone**  
 **At the sound of the drums, I'm gonna set you free**

 _"What the- You can't do that!" Shouts Toby Determined._

 _I believe I just did." Said Alex as he and Gat casually walked out. "Right, I'll leave the rest to you boys." Said Alex as he signaled his Rooks to rush the room and overpower everyone..._

 **I talk to him on the telephone,**  
 **and these are the words that he gave to me...**

 _Alex held the head of leaderaur high over the heads of the other Manotaurs...who wisely bowed in submission to him..._

 **He said honey please, don't let go**  
 **or you'll fall into the dead of night**  
 **So honey please, don't let go**  
 **You better learn to fly,**  
 **'cause they're gonna point you up at the sky**

 _The feared Lizard men gang celebrated at the local enchanted forest pub...oblivious to the gathering blackbirds..._

 _The music stopped as Alex enters the room._

 _"Try the bitter, it's actually quite drinkable." Said Alex as he pulled out a chair and sat in it backward._

 _"Go on; toast your 'noble' boss. This simple thief of men."_

 _Said boss tossed down his cigar and ground it out in annoyance._

 _"Or you could do better. Join me. Join the rooks. And become apart of something that'll last forever!"_

 _The lizard boss had heard enough. "Show this meat-bag we don't take kindly to his insults!" He ordered._

 **The more that you want it**  
 **The more that you need it**

 _Alex smashes one lizard unconscious with his chair-_

 **I know that you'll be by my side**  
 **In the heat of the moment**

 _He double stabs two with his wrist blades at the same time-_

 **When the thunder and lightning comes**  
 **I know that you'll be by my side**

 _He grabs one lizard just in time to use him as a meat-sheild from some bullets...and throw a knife into the shooters eye..._

 **Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah**

 _He grabs a burning coal with his bare hand and smashed it into one lizards face-_

 **The more that you want it**  
 **The more that you need it**

 _The boss lizard tires to fight...but he's quickly on the floor...a knife at his throat..._

 **I know that you'll be by my side**  
 **In the heat of the moment**

 _"Alex- Mr. Pines!" He pleads. "We can split the money- I mean- Just take it all! I-_

 _He then finds his mouth stuffed with said money..._

 **When the thunder and lightning comes**

 _Alex leaves him where he lies. "Rooks, with me." He states flatly as he rejoins his men outside._

 _An angry lizard Boss pulls out a gun and points it at his retreating back-_

 **I know that you'll be by my side**

 _-Only to be punched in the face by his own men!...or former men, as they all desert and add to the rooks ever growing numbers..._

 **Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah**

...

Alex laughed. "And I haven't even been in this town for two weeks!" He shouts as he takes a leap of faith into a haystack...

Mable and Dipper watch the whole thing. Dipper groans and rubs his temples. "We had to get him 'Assassins Creed' for Christmas." he bemoans.

"Yeah, that was a mistake." Agreed Mable...

 **…...**  
 **TO BE CONTINUED?**

 **The song is 'In The Heat Of The Moment' by NOEL GALLAGHER**

 **GOD BLESS YOU! EVERYONE!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	5. Chapter 5

**Gravity Falls: Rise of an Empire ch. 5**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

Wendy had no idea what was happening to her life lately. She'd gotten this gig since she hadn't wanted to be sent out of town to work at her cousins log-mill...but now things were getting hectic!

Her bosses(or is it former boss now?) nephew just came to town...and kinda just took over. Suddenly the Shack was crawling with gangbangers! And then the whole thing with the gnomes happened..and things just got FREAKY!

Now the place was crawling with Gnomes, lizard men, witches, and giant hairy men that scared even her dad! Wendy had been...seriously considering biting the bullet and just going to her cousins log-mill for work...until-

"Whoa! What is that!?" Exclaimed Wendy. Dipper having taken off his shirt due to a paint stain, he looked down and saw his six-pack.

"Dude, your ripped!" Exclaimed Soos excited. "How is that even possible for a 12 year old?" Dipper flustered, then chuckled nervously "Yeah Alex put us on a strict training regiment since we were seven...it's the Greek age of manhood y'know."

Soos turned to Mable, "You got a six-pack too?" He asked curiously. Mable flustered and crossed her arms over her sweater. "I'm not showing you, perv."

"No, not that! Those scars! Those bruises! It looks like you went through a woodchipper!" Wendy exclaimed with concern.

Before anyone could respond-

"whoa-ho! What have we here!?" Laughed Grunkle Stan as he pulled something out of Dipper's bag. Dipper just looked annoyed...but sighed. "That's my Baba disc...which I like...which is MINE, so kindly give it back." Asked Dipper patiently.

But Grunkle Stan was already playfully nudging Mable, "Huh Mable? What do you think of that? Pretty girly right?"

Mable just sighed and turned to Stan. "Grunkle Stan...what Dipper dose in his spare time is his business, I won't judge him one way or the other...and your very rude for rummaging through his personal-

"GAH! I can't take it! What is wrong with you two!" Shouted Stan, "Sibling's DON'T act this nice to each other. In the time you've been here you haven't teased or mocked each other once!" Stan should know...he'd been trying to get Mable to tease Dipper since she got their...but she just politely rebuked him each time.

"Yeah...that is weird..." Admitted Wendy, coming from a large family that can't go an hour without a fight...the way the twins interacted...they got along a little TOO well...

Both Mable and Dipper were suddenly very uncomfortable... "Um...when we were growing up...Alex was a firm believer in 'A house divided cannot stand'...so he did things to keep us from arguing."

"...What kind of things?" Asked Wendy with increasing dread.

Dipper sighed, "One time Mable laughed at me when Alex was spanking me...so she spanked her twice as hard as punishment...or if either of us EVER made fun of the other...he threw us in a room filled with crazy people that screamed insults at you for hours...and don't even get me started on the sibling-insult shock collars-

"WHAT?!" Exclaimed Wendy, Soos and Stan horrified.

"Bottom line...even thinking about making fun of each other or teasing each other...makes us vomit now."

"Wait is THAT where you got those scars?" She asked pointedly.

Dipper again became uncomfortable... "Uh...no...like I said...Alex put us through a training regiment..."

...Many years ago...

Both Mable and Dipper sat in their seats in trepidation...they knew they shouldn't have anything to worry about...what had happened, THEY'D been the victims...their was no way Alex was mad at them...and yet...

What had once been beautiful Piedmont was now a ghost town...thanks to his rage...they'd NEVER seen him that furious before...

And now he stood before them..his back to them...just looking at the window at what used to be their neighbors house...now just a burnt skeletons that rooks were now salvaging and re-purposing for their own use...but still he just stood their watching...for over an hour...it was sorta freaking the twins out...at this point they'd be happy with him yelling if it meant the silence would-

"You probably don't remember...but tomorrow is your seventh birthday." Said Alex Suddenly, still without turning to look at them.

At first the twins were taken back by his sudden response...then they realized he was right..it WAS...they'd completely forgotten all those weeks spent in the hospital!

"I've made arrangements...it will be a grand party...one I doubt you'll ever forget...enjoy it...for come the day AFTER tomorrow I will PERSONALLY take over your schooling." Continued Alex, again not turning to face them

That statement gave the twins mixed feelings...neither was sure what to say. "I've been a fool," Said Alex suddenly. before the twins could process this astonishing admission, he continued.

"...Once more I let my pride rule my actions...I believed I could keep the two of you safe...and this belief nearly cost the two of your life-

Both twins gasped and frantically tried to assure him it wasn't his fault.

Alex, chuckled. "Your too kind to me...but no...I can't protect you from the world forever...for all my accomplishments...I am just a man...you'd think I'd have learned that by now...in any case...the time has come for me to teach YOU how to handle this world."

Suddenly a door opens, and in comes a burly man wearing a green skeleton wrestling mask and a purple hoddie.

"Allow me to introduce you to your personal trainer Angel De LaMuerte." He will be handling your 'physical' training...you have other trainers for different things, but they've been held up abroad so for now we'll just focus on him."

"I still think you should start their training now...such comforts like that party will only make them soft." Affirmed Angel Flatly.

Alex laughed, "Think of it as giving them one more day in heaven...before you put them through hell."

"WAIT, WHAT!?" Shouted both Mable and Dipper.

...

"I watched the two of you while you partied...it's obvious you both hate discomfort. That's the sort of weakness your enemies will capitalize on. Unless you harden up, the world will crush you. But don't worry, I'll chisel you both out of diamond."

"Uh...okay?" Said Mable cautiously. "Uh...what do we do first?" Asked Dipper cautiously. " Make you both experience the worst pain imaginable...now come on, it's time for you to play in traffic..."

"Wait, what!?" Shouted both twins as they were dragged along...

...

"If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a fist!" Shouted Angel as he tossed a screaming Mable onto a highway-

 **CRACK!**

-And straight through a windshield-

 **CRASH!**

-Of a car that immediately crashes-

 **FWOOM!**

-And bursts into flames...with Mable still inside!

"Roll with the punches!" Shouts Angel as he grabs a quickly retreating Dipper and flings him screaming into rush hour traffic as well-

 **CRUNCH!**

Alex casually drunk a goblet of wine as he watched the Carnage, "So how do things look?" He asked Legal Lee. Legal Lee smirked as he crunched the numbers, "Great! Jurors love crippled kids! People will be so scared of being flamed by the media as a 'kiddie killer', they'll pay us tons of 'insurance' money to hush us up! We stand to make millions!"

Alex nodded satisfied, "Good...put 25% of the earnings toward the rooks, 25% to Angel, 25% to yourself of course, and 25% to that offshore account that'll be reserved for Mable and Dipper when their old enough-

 **CRACK!**

 **MOMMY!**

A single bloody tooth rolls near Alex's foot...as well as a burning tire also covered in blood. Alex looks at this thoughtfully, "On second thought...take 5% of the Rooks share and put in the twins account as well...they're doing all the 'legwork' really.

Legal Lee simply nods and makes it happen...

...

"The pain you felt is only the beginning! You ready for the next test?" "Ready is an interesting term- "Today I want you to experience the heat that'll come in a fight to the death."

"Can't we do this metaphorically?" "No, now both of you put on these flame-proof suit's and get on this Toad ATV I just set on fire..."

...

"OH, MY BLOOD! OH, MY BLOOD OH, MY BLOOD!- **ROAR!** SLASH! -OW!" "MABLE! STOP YELLING! YOUR ONLY MAKING IT MADDER!- **ROAR** SLASH! -OW!" Shouted Dipper as they both tried to drive a car through rush-hour with no brakes and a rabid, ill-tempered tiger trying to maul them in the passenger seat.

On the plus side...after their rabies shots...Alex pulled strings to give them both car licenses...

...

"Before we can train your body, we need to train your mind- "By punching Beehives!?" "Look, you don't get Supper until you do this, the sooner you do this the sooner you can eat..."

...

Stan, Soos, and Wendy just gaped in horror at the explanation...

It was at that point that Alex returned...riding the multi-Bear. "Whoa boy! Whoa! Another day, another conquest!" He dismounts and turns to his men, "How would you all like-

 **POW!**

"JERK!" Screamed a livid Wendy as he punched a surprised Alex right in the face-

click.

-Only to immediately remember that Alex was the boss of a gang of thugs who were all armed to the teeth...and now pointing their hardware at her back.

Alex, shocked brushes some blood off his lip...and looks over to Wendy. "My dear...why have you done this?" He asked evenly...no malice...but no warmth either in his voice.

Before Dipper could plead for mercy for her- "I did it because you were a jerk to Dipper and Mable- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!? -A brother doesn't torture his younger siblings!" She shouted, sounding way more brave then she actually felt.

Alex...just looked at her for a bit...then burst out laughing?

"Wait, what?" Asked a confused Wendy as he gave her a comforting smack on the back.

"I like this one Dipper! You have good taste!" He shouted, provoking a fluster from both Wendy and Dipper.

"Wait...your not mad?" She asks confused. "Mad? Mad about what? Being brave enough to strike me in defense of my younger siblings? My dear if I killed everyone that punched me...well...that would solve the overpopulation issue, now wouldn't it?"

The rooks laughed and raised a beer in response.

"But all joking aside...it be rather hypocritical of me to kill someone just because they cared for my siblings so much...as for my 'torture'...first of all...I never doubted my siblings survival for a second! Their tough as nails! -also his 'savy' let him know that they were defended by 'plot armor'...whatever that meant- and second...well...little me tell you my dear...of what brought about the 'noodle' incident...and all that followed after it..."

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


End file.
